Death

One thing I just knew about death are I don't like changes and replacement made because of their absence.

They just won't be the same, of course. It totally needs time to adapt with their absence, then i'll accept replacement.

You know nothing, and you request bullshit.

Fyi, nak seribu daya tak nak seribu dalih.

home.

i feel like i've been ignored.
i sat there, laughed and talked to them.
but none of them responded.
as if i'm not there.
as if i'm invisible.

it's sick to think what have i done.
because i can't remember anything that was mean.
only the smallest thing from asking them
to throw out the rubbish,
to wash the frying pan.

it's sick to follow their pace.
like, they ignore me and i shall ignore them too.
actually i've tried.
but failed terribly.
failed as in i ended up being depressed.

depressed because after these 3 1/2 years,
i never ignore anyone (unless we're pissed each other off)
you and me were so fine.

Lawak bodoh macam intolerable when you're stress.

Futur.

Futur means lazy and escape from preaching islam. Today in a history after long long time we didn't do usrah, I became more futur and more futur.

And today, while hanging out with some new friends, the guys were smoking e-cigarrette. And I was curious and randomly asked them, for me to try. Surprisingly, they actually taught me how to smoke (but they 'forbid' me to inhale deeply), and I did. There were actually smoke coming out from my mouth. It was a pleasure because it smells so nice, I did it twice, until I came home and muhasabah back what I've done today. And I thought, what is wrong with me? What have I done? I am supposed to be a da'ie. To stop or advice people to stop smoking, but I have joined them instead? Which satan had successfully possessed me? They must be jumping up and down in joyfulness.

They said, futur is not good. But it'll becoming so so so bad, when you enjoy being futur. Like I enjoyed smoking that thing. If my dad knows about this, i'd be doomed.

But I am totally taubat doing that. I really shouldn't do that. I don't want to blame my naqibah for not doing usrah (for some time) because something came up. Because I believe its my fault, to not constantly putting efforts to maintain or increase my level of iman. Since the environment changed, its just so hard to returned back to normal.

And today, I am so sad and dissapointed for what i've done.

House.

Assalamualaikum and harlow. My new semester started a week ago. Fyi, I don't stay at hostel anymore. We rented a house instead.

The location is right in front of my uni's back gate. We purposely chose there, so it'll be easy for us to go to class. Nearer, since we don't have any own transport. I am, basically walking to class everyday. It takes me about 20 minutes to walk at my pace. Idk, they said i walk fast :3 My ither housemates take a bus everyday. They take 45 minutes to arrive. With people congested in the bus and jams. I purposely choose to walk, because i want to exercise and get fit and have my own sweet time, monologueing.

Our house is a shophouse. Like a house on top of the shoplots. Is that really what they called? It situated right in front of giant. Only 1 minute walking distance. Lol. It is very near to kfc, pizza hut, mcdonald, subway, mamaks, optic shop, nasi ayam penyet, secret recipe, 7 eleven, speedmart, stationary shops, laundry shop, salon, and the list goes on.

Housemates, are all my classmates. We're close. But i am not so close with them. We're good. Not that i'm anti social, its just that i'm already used to not having roomates for 2 years, and hanging out with my non dental friends. So when i'm with them, i'm kinda bring my 'old' tradition together.

We did housewarming party though. We cooked spaghetti bolognese (not prego), fried fries, and made lychee agar-agar. Its just a small event, because we only invited girls, and most of them couldn't make it because they went back to hometown.

We used maxis home portafi for internet. 28gb for 8 persons. Idk whether its sufficient or not. Our house is congested, and thus unifi and maxis home fiber cannot support (i have no idea).

Yeah thats all. I'll share soon, any updates.

Grateful.

grateful.

to have friends from different field.

pharmacist

speech therapist

dietitian

medical doctor

these, so far helped me for understanding some stuffs.

Changing diet.

Choose baked/grilled, rather than fried.
Choose steamed/soup, rather than savoury.
Choose tosai/chapati, rather than paratha.
Choose raw vege, rather than cooked ones.
Request less sugar, rather than the conventional one.
Lessen the amount of white rice.
Choose wholemeal bread, rather than white bread.
Lessen caffeine intake.
Choose whole grain cereal, rather than high-sugar level cereal.
Choose yoghurt drink, rather than normal fresh milk.
Or rather, drink a hell lot of plenty many many plain water.

I am trying to eat as healthy as I can. As less fats and oils as I can. Eat a lot of ulams as I can, a lot of high fibre as I can.

Come on, nani! You can do this!
Towards flawless skin!
HAHA!
Kan dah kantoi.
Because I feel recently my skin full with blotting of the oil already :( Not that I have flawless skin before, I think it got worsen. And this cannot be neglected!

Yaaarghh!

How __.

Ya, memang interest pelbagai. But when you're a Muslim, your main concern would be islam. Lepas tanggungjawab islam tu dah dijalankan, baru lah yang duniawi.

Priorities for islam and some heavy metal band cannot be equaled. Its just so wrong, to me at least.

Wholly worldly.

"Say: If your fathers and your sons and your brethren and your mates and your kinsfolk and property which you have acquired,
and the slackness of trade which you fear
and dwellings which you like,
are dearer to you than Allah and His Apostle and striving in His way,
then wait till Allah brings about His command:
and Allah does not guide the transgressing people."

Al-Quran 9:24

A verse that my sister shared to me after I accompanied her practicing her driving skills.
Before that, we talked to our mom about driving, then ma said "Mama takut kena kereta orang. Nanti susah."

Hm I don't what's the relation with the verse though, but my post here is general to public.

Rezeki is from Allah. Everybody knows that. But, how deep the muslims hold on to it? How confident you are with that statement?

From what I understand, ideally, if your car got hit, you must not worry. If your car got scratched, you must not worry. If your phone or expensive smartphone fell down to the ground, you must not worry. If your tablets or ipads fell down, you must not worry.

Because, you are confident those are all just worldly goods.

Temporary.

Because, you believe that Allah has prepared you a way more better ones than the broken ipad (due to falling), scratched car and anything such.

So, reflect back to yourself as well as me, how confident we are to Allah's rewards for us?

note to myself

what i realize,
in dentistry or being a dental student,
you can't be slow.
you can't work slow.
you can't think slow.
you can't walk slow.

you have to decide fast.
you have to answer fast.
you have to think fast.
you have to walk fast.

or else,
you are abnormal
and annoying

so basically,
you must always have knowledge.
be confident even if you're wrong.
or if you don't know,
admit that you didn't know.
be brave.

just,
act fast.
DO NOT hesitate, then give smile.
the lecturers got annoyed
so easily if you're doing that.

so, a little tips here.
if you think you are slow,
put efforts to improve.
look at others and learn.
try and learn to take risks.
take harsh comments positively,
then work it out to improve.
and think a little,
for how long i'll be 'this' slow?

because we deal with patients.
other human beings.
though we didn't deal with
brains, intestines, heart or lungs,
we deal with mouth and teeth.
first impression of people of you.

you were damn happy without me being there as usual.
wow.
it amazes me.

just, wow.

kan aku dah kata.
susah clinical partner dengan boyfriend orang.

bukan aku hadap sangat pun.
terpaksa.
last resort dah tu.

susah bila campur-adukkan professional life dengan social life.
sikit-sikit nak jealous.
kejadah nya.

nak complain a lil.

penat.
denture tak siap. tapi ada progression. alhamdulillah.

besok (sabtu) ada kelas ganti cuti undi haritu. kot.
besok (sabtu) ada test periodontics.
saya tak study satu haprak lagi.
besok (sabtu) ada 2 clinics.
tapi both patient partner saya. alhamdulillah.

lusa (ahad) ada kelas.
tak tau lah ganti atau kelas tambahan.
lusa (ahad) ada anaabu launching her new shop.
got invitation, nak pegi, tapi ada kelas.
lusa (ahad) supposedly the only day to rest.
tapi ada kelas.
so, no rest.
because the day after ahad, is isnin.
which is start a new week.
so, no rest.

projek disko baldi dreams.
earlybird tickets until 7th June.
saya busy hari ni (7th June).
walaupun jumaat.
dari 8am-9pm.
lecture-clinic-labwork-mandarin class-usrah.
bila balik, call pj live arts.
rupa-rupanya talian tu buka dari 12pm-7pm.
i was occupied.
so daripada boleh dapat tiket harga rm50/pair,
kena beli yang biasa punya. which is rm70/pair.
aku dah kopak gila babi.
tapi sebab projek disko baldi tu best,
i think i deserve a good laugh at the end of my last 3rd year week,
before i officially start my study week for professional exam 3.
iedil putra tu kira macam, catalyst.
yang buat aku bersemangat nak pergi.
haha.
(transport nak ke jaya one tu tak pikir lagi.
pfft)

ipoh alternative.
masa aku dapat tau jek pasal event ni.
on 8th June.
terus aku consider boleh pergi balik hari.
dari shah alam.
despite the event,
i want to eat 2 bowls of lien chee keng yang sedap gila tu.
yang ada sea coconut dan 2 biji of telur puyuh tu.
plus ice dia blended.
instead of cubes.
despite the event,
aku nak pergi funny mountain yang famous dgn soya tu.

nampak tak?
yang aku tak sedar diri takde duit.
tapi nak have fun?

so, conclusion nya.
complain lah kau macam mana sekalipun,
kun faya kun.
usaha, pikir dan doa lah apa yang terbaik utk diri sendiri.

the story of the disbelievers.

"Indeed, Allah has cursed the disbelievers and prepared for them a Blaze (hell).

Abiding therein forever, they will not find a protector or a helper.

The Day (hereafter) their faces will be turned about in the Fire, they will say, "How we wish we had obeyed Allah and obeyed the Messenger."

And they will say, "Our Lord, indeed we obeyed our masters and our dignitaries, and they led us astray from the [right] way.

Our Lord, give them double the punishment and curse them with a great curse.""

Al-Quran 33: 64-68

So, Allah has stated what the future will be. He said, the disbelievers will turn to Him when they received the punishments. No one else can help them, not even their gods, except for Allah. They will wish that Allah will give them chances to turn back to Him, obey Him and His Messenger. They will also pray that Allah will forgive them. But Allah has said, they will be in hell forever. Like, there'll be no turning back. 

And that is why it is actually our responsibilities as Muslims to educate and promote Islam to those who don't know. 

"..... Lord said to the angels, "Indeed, I will make upon the earth a successive authority."........ Allah said, "Indeed, I know that which you do not know.""

Al-Quran 2:30

From what I understand from this verse is, Allah told the angels that He wants to create a khalif - leader of Muslim from humankind. And the angels were like, "They will causes corruption in the earth and shed blood, while we declare Your praise and sanctify You". Then Allah said, "I know what you don't know". Subhanallah. Indeed, Allah is The Great. 

Allah also said, 

"If We had sent down this Qur'an upon a mountain, you would have seen it humbled and coming apart from fear of Allah . And these examples We present to the people that perhaps they will give thought."

"Indeed, we offered the Trust to the heavens and the earth and the mountains, and they declined to bear it and feared it; but man [undertook to] bear it. Indeed, he was unjust and ignorant."

Al-Quran 59:21 and 33:72

"He was unjust and ignorant". Because humankind agreed to take it, yet they didn't fear it as much as the mountains did. 

"[It was] so that Allah may punish the hypocrite men and hypocrite women and the men and women who associate others with Him and that Allah may accept repentance from the believing men and believing women. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful."

Al-Quran 33:73

So, reflect back to us. We're lucky because we're Muslim. Because at the end of the day, heavens will be our reward. But, what have we done to get the reward? 

Wait, suddenly I forgot what's the main purpose of the post. I can't get to the climax. Dang. 

Basically, we need to do daawah- missionary work/preach Islam, to others. Sikit pun takpe. At least we do something. At least, we have something to tell Allah at the Judgement day. I encountered a quote saying something like, "Walaupun pelacur sekalipun yang bagi nasihat, kalau ianya baik untuk kita, kita boleh terima". Like, even a prostitute gave some advice on life, if its good, then we can take it. Even it is from a prostitute. Got me?

Remember, ideally, we have to be a Muslim as a whole (eat, behave, clothes, speak etc etc). Not just by name.
Keep on repenting, as long as we live. Because Allah is The Forgiving. Keep on doing good deeds, as long as we got the chance. And don't brag about the good deeds that you've done. Because at the Judgement day, those good deeds will turned into ashes. 

By the way, the new principle of life that I am practicing now is, "Biar orang buat kita, jangan kita buat kat orang". Do not do revenge if somebody did bad things to us, instead pray for the best for them. Its hard, I know. But the efforts to against your emotions or nafs, are the one that counts. Purify your heart, try to be as optimistic as you can. Its hard, I know. 

I know, my post is very haywire. I have the points, but I can't draw the line and relate to each of it. But, I've tried my best. Reminding, is what I tried to do. 

:)

And [recall] when We took the covenant from the Children of Israel, [enjoining upon them], 

"Do not worship except Allah ; and to parents do good and to relatives, orphans, and the needy. And speak to people good [words] and establish prayer and give zakah." 

Then you turned away, except a few of you, and you were refusing.

2:83

For those who're stubborn

Surah As-Sajda, Verse 20:

And as for those who transgress,
their abode is the fire;
whenever they desire to go forth from it,
they shall be brought back into it,
and it will be said to them:
"Taste the chastisement of the fire which you called a lie."

Copying during test.

Is not something that I can be proud of. Nay. Not cool.
To me, it symbolizes
a loser,
a failure,
not a confident person,
not-dare-to-take-risk kinda person,
and

LAZY.

I copied a bit at today's Mandarin listening and writing test. The listening test was difficult. Its very......chinese. So fast, I can't keep up with it. Since everyone was copying each other (so the environment was copying here and there), I got influenced and joined them. I wasn't feel good doing it. Because I'm not used to it. Tak biasa lah tiru-tiru ni. Tak reti. lol. Yet, I still asked them for answers and laugh, konon-konon cool lah. Bllugh.

Call me skema or whatever, I don't care.

Surah Ar-Room, Verse 40:

"Allah is He Who created you,
then gave you sustenance,
then He causes you to die,
then brings you to life.

Is there any of your associate-gods who does aught of it?
Glory be to Him,
and exalted be He above what they associate (with Him)."

Ahah!
Its so clear you just use me
To get information
When you didn't manage to get one
You left
Just like *snap* that
Without say anything

Whoah
Crazy lah you

Before,
When you're happy, you tend to forget me.
When you have problems, only then you seek me.

Now,
When you're happy, you still are forgetting me.
When you have problems, also you didn't seek me.

Whatisthis?

Perhaps, you can walk out of the door of my heart if you don't like it.

Issue.

"If you like a boy, make sure he sees you as a girl - not one of the guys"

A quote I saw from Instagram. 

Deep. Very deep indeed. 

Well I haven't like any guys. Yet. But I found it comfortable when i'm around my guyfriends and they treat me like one of the guys.

No punching 

or hugging 

or touching.

Still have that sensitivity. But the way we treat each other lah. 

Not one guy.

Not two guys.

But most of the guys.

Weird, I found.

Certainly not all guys treat women the same like they treat me.

I think, i'm the one who made them treat me this way.

Lol, what did I do?

But everything seems,

Heartless and,

Careless.

No mushy-mushy feelings involved.

I found it,

easy.

you are so lucky
that i am nice

i was so fool
for thinking that you actually cared

while you actually don't
i knew it
all along

indeed
selfish you are
or, are you not?

indeed
sweet-talker you are
or, are you not?

Deactivation.

I deactivated my Twitter account. Because I just can't stand the distractions despite that I am so lazy and Twitter is so addictive. Thus it's not good for my exam preparations.

Somehow, Twitter is soooo addictive and I am soo curious what is happening with the drama, I logged-in just now and reactivate my Twitter. Lol, damn you Twitter creator (who ever your name is).

And it turned out to be like this,

I.
Have.
To.
Refollow.
Everyone.
Now?

Annoyed. And deactivate again.
hahahahaha.
XOXO

So I uninstalled the twitter app from the phone.

Because I found its very distracting.

With all the endless drama that I don't want to get involved, but I indirectly did.

And its none of my business.
I don't want to know what people react to it.
So why bother to read em at my TL right?

Nak deactivate, ada orang tak bagi for his own reasons.

So, uninstall kejap okay kan?

Plus, I have exams to focus on.

To deactivate twitter or not.

He said, no I can't.

So, am thinking to uninstall the twitter app in the phone.

I rarely go to bookstores, but when I do, i'll usually go to the english novels section. And a few days back, we went to MPH to kill some time before break fast. Kinda unbelievable, I don't know why, these legs go to the religious section. Lots of interesting books. And one of it was Mustafa Kamal Ataturk's biography and history of how he 'damaged' Islam's history. I thought, 'Hey this'd be interesting to read', because I want to know the details since I knew about him. So I took it and hold it (decided to buy), and continue looking at other books.
Then I saw 'Rahsia-rahsia Besar Di Sebalik Sirah Rasulullah'. I heard a lot of the celebrities who've hijrah to the right path when they read about Rasulullah. I have to admit, there are a lot of thing that I do not know about the Messenger of Allah. Which is not good.
I remembered during the last few usrahs, the naqibah asked us, "What are the Rasulullah's mukjizat?". And the ONLY thing that comes to my head was, "Water coming out from his hands", while there're a lot of other mukijzats. Al-Quran is the biggest mukjizat ever, and it didn't come out from my mind at all. How bad was that? And my other usrah-mates were fighting to answer that question. One after another. I was just, sit there and clueless. FFFFF (*cursing myself)
Then I thought, I never bought any islamic book before, and the first islamic book that i'll buy must have some really big impact to me. Then I decided to buy this one instead of buying 'The Enemy of Islam''s biography and history. LOL, what was I thinking.

Hypocrisy and hatred lingering around me.
Not coming out from me.
From other parties, towards me.

And its growing.

Thus I choose to avoid.
Away and alone.

PMS or reality?
I don't know.

So if someone called you a bitch, there are for two reasons.
1. They're joking around with you.
2. You totally deserve it.

If you've been called a bitch because the person who called you that thought you deserve it, then you should think why you deserve it.
Think deeply, why.
And improve.

Not calling that person a bitch back.

"I called you bitch in front of your face. Because by that, I hope you can open a bit your mind. Yes, I was harsh. *emotionally-driven" Am sorry.
But you. You called me a bitch behind my back. And that's rude. And you're still pretending so nice and all in front of my face. Sorry, but fuck you!"

It happens.

When you treat some people nice.

And some got treated like shit.

It happens.

The one that been treated nice,

treats you like shit.

Hurt you.

While,

The one that been treated like shit,

treats you the nicest.

Cherish you.

How lucky are you?

The one who treats you the nicest,

Stays.

And still are.

Life.

Professionalism. Dentistry. Life.

Dentistry taught me to be a professional. Define professional? Well to me, professional where you do things and people look you superiorly, because you are someone. People- patients to be precised, looked you as someone who're serious in his job. Serious in whatever you do. When communicating with lecturers, you oughta be serious. Because dealing with patients ain't something that can be toyed. Indeed, I agree. A lecturer told us once, "Professional attire is monotone." I just got to agree with that as well. Black, brown, grey, white, navy blue. Yeah. I started to collecting it.
My watch- from neon orange strap, turquoise background with cartoon cats on it. Change into a grey steel watch. Very professional.
My shoes- from yellow to pink to green. Well I planned to buy a new pair of shoes which will be black in colour.
My clothes combination- no longer practicing colour-blocking. because it'll looked childish.

Very professional.

What happened to me now?
XOXO