Oh junior. Don't try to be me. There's none part of me that can be 'idol-ed' of. I am such a mess. I am such a failure. My life....so messed up. I stressed out almost everyweek. I may seems happy at the outside. But inside, what am I thinking, my thoughts, all. Me myself don't understand. I'm lazy, i'm not clever, i'm not the student that the lecturer kept worshipping. I'm the student who rebel on most every thing that the lecturer asked me to do. Thinking that I am so good, but the fact is, very obvious i'm lousy, I got no shame whenever the lecturer got mad at me. Ego, I wanna show the lecturer that I am good, I can bear those, I can be better than whatever they said. But apparently, I am no good. I am having too many failures and I don't ask for more.

You know how people usually say Allah won't give the burden that we can't face? And there will always something/hikmah behind all the stresses that we face? And how human always want to do the best that they can? And they said people will never get enough, as in they will never satisfied with what they have? Well, relate all of that and sum up, that is my problem. That is what making me stress every day. I asked and waited what are the hikmah behind all these burdens? When will I ever feel successes? Do I even got a chance? Until when I will face failures? Or are these failures are actually a sign from Allah for me to quit dentistry? Or all of these are the karmas, that I had done bad to people and now it comes to me back?

Ya Allah, give me obvious answers.

Ya Allah, give me strength.

:'(

So junior, be someone else. Erase me from your mind. I am just a bad influence to you. I am not a good role model.

XOXO

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Community Service.

Somehow, I felt beautiful XD
At Felda Semenchu, Kota Tinggi, Johor.

XOXO

No Subject #8

You know how some people said, some ladies who're wearing tudung labuh owned a very weird and kinda not-good attitude? Compared to people who're free-hair or those who're wearing shawl or fashionable hijab style? And they said, "Harap pakai tudung labuh tapi perangai macam apa baik tak payah. Orang yang tak pakai tudung perangai lagi bagus yak yak yak...".

They have these appearance, they're really particular with their aurat. Which is good and all ladies should practice this since it's wajib. They are very pious and all. They go to surau and Islamic talks a lot, read Islamic articles a lot, listen to Islamic songs a lot. I reckoned they already knew about the basic of what Allah wants and what Allah doesn't want.

So, I don't wanna agree with the above statement until I have a roomate that is very messy. Even after I gave her a warning letter (I yelled at that letter, and then apologise), she still didn't improve though. I don't understand. Who knows living in a room with a messy roomate can make your life miserable the whole time. Even if your own 'site' is not messy, you're still stress facing your roomate's site. My roomate is wearing tudung labuh though, they should know Allah loves cleanliness. What did she had in mind, really?
I don't know whether you understand or not the point that I am trying to convey here but I can't understand what is she trying to achieve :( It's very sad.

And another thing, I just knew that a friend of mine, who also wearing tudung labuh is a selfish kinda person. And stingy. What is that? Allah is very generous. Being generous is good. Very good. It's one of the characteristics of Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. Well, she should know this. And yet?

This thing just increased the percentage of me agreeing with the statement above. I mean, pity the other tudung-labuh-ers out there who didn't have these attitude. These people changed my perception of them bit by bit. 

XOXO

Confused.

Imagine: When you have a friend who had done some slacks...

Straight forward: Is it alright to confront her, got angry and tell her the point where you, or should I say, most of the people, do not prefer?

Or

Silent: Is it appropriate to just sit there and keep your mouth shut, look, observe the slacks that she did? Killing you from the inside by seeing your friend did something wrong?

Or

Badmouth: Is it wrong to talk behind her back a lot? Talk what she should do and what she shouldn't do, behind her back. Talk what she had done and what not.

Or

Slowtalk: Is it cheesy to ask what is she trying to do? Why did she do stuffs like that. How did she even think about that. What does she actually feels.

Please, leave any opinion. I am straight forward kinda person. But, it will hurt the other party. And it made me felt insecure because I am afraid if she goes like, "Oh cmon, you're not that angel as well". And at the same time, I felt satisfaction because I said what I should say. So that the other party will understand what I actually felt about 'the slacks' that she did.

Honey, the truth really hurts but it helped you in anyway. So that you can change. I don't know whether being silent is good or not. Because confronting is something that require a lot of courage. Badmouth, well I think it's bad. Really bad. But it is subconcious action. Like you did it without realizing it. It is hard to control. And I think slow talk is the best way, but it require a lot of time because it is slow. Lol.

XOXO

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Attention Seeker.

Instead of you making du'a, or I rather say 'updating your Facebook status' like this, "Ya Allah, kesabaran ku di cabar hari ini. Kau perkuatkan lah diriku ini. Ameen. yada yada yak yak bla bla". You better pray in your daily solah like this, "Ya Allah, ampunilah dosa-dosa yang telah aku lakukan terhadap kawan-kawanku, kau berikanlah aku petunjuk supaya yang mungkar dan yang maaruf itu terang perbezaannya di mata ku, berilah aku hidayah agar aku berubah menjadi insan yang berguna, kau terangilah hatiku agar senang untuk aku terima nasihat dan teguran. Ya Allah kau lah maha agung. Ameen". It is more beneficial, woman.

XOXO

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Sajak.

Kesal dengan perbuatanku.

Kesal dengan perangaimu.

Kesal dengan lakonanmu.

Kesal dengan semua.

Aku sindir seorang sahabat,

Hingga menangis teresak-esak.

Bikin aku rasa meluat,

Rasa marah membuak-buak.

Aku sayang, aku peduli,

Mungkin sedikit garang, agak pembuli,

Tapi malang, ini caraku sejak azali.

Nasihat yang diberi,

Disiakan seluruhnya.

Malah tidak sedar diri,

Terus dihanyut oleh dunia.

*This ia an unfinished sajak. Will be continued in future. I am sucks at language, thus this is the best that I can came out with :) *

XOXO

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All in a day #2

Last weekend on the 10th, after symposium has finished me and Huda planned to go to UM. Because got Battle Of The Band there. Yeap, I went there last year for BOTB as well. But this time, there were less friends joining this event. Some are busy and some don't bother to join I guessed? Idk. We met Adam and Faris. The night where we lepak was nice.

So last year they got TILU. And this year they got OAG, huargh!

And the crowd went mad. Suddenly the battle of the band activity changed to a gig. Free gig yay! OAG performed about 5-6 songs if i'm not mistaken, where they actually supposed to perform just 2 songs. But the crowd kept saying, 'WE WANT MORE, WE WANT MORE'. So yeah.

They were moshing. Like really pushed people like crazy while enjoying the performance. Crowd surfing. I was shocked. Then I asked Huda how come it didn't the same as at Foster The People 'gig'? Why at FTP concert people didn't push about? Then she said, it's Malaysian kinda gig act scene. I was like -.-" really? #noob

At first when I joined the crowd, I was jumping, enjoying like I did at FTP concert. Then suddenly I realized I was at UM. The place where there're lights and people who didn't enjoying the performance were observing, judging. Some even looked at us  And then I stopped. I was worried what would they said. #insecurealert Then I just realized only me and Huda who're hijabers and jumping like the guys in the crowd. Other hijabers were just stand on the chair and stood still.

I thought, "OMG this is not nice. People will saw us and there goes fitnah's. People will judged and talked about us". And I still freaked out about how scary the moshing was. So yeah, I left the crowd and enjoying the music from far.

Then I thought why did I do that at FTP. And Huda said because during that time, all the crowd were like us, jumping and don't care about others, they knew they paid for FTP. Plus, at the hall was totally dark, so how awful you jumped, people won't see it and didn't give a shit about you.

Peeps, call me a nerd but I care about 'idk-what's-the-right-word-for-describing-this'.

So that's that. We took a picture with the vocalist, Radhi. The picture at my Facebook. All in all, the random plan was fun. We overnight at the hostel's Musollah. Walked from 12th to Stesyen Universiti at 8 o'clock in the morning. Nice hangout, Huda. High 5! Cut cost, free gig, overnight what else?

PS: My favourite senior won third place for Oral Presentation for symposium. She's awesome! :DD

XOXO

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