Oh junior. Don't try to be me. There's none part of me that can be 'idol-ed' of. I am such a mess. I am such a failure. My life....so messed up. I stressed out almost everyweek. I may seems happy at the outside. But inside, what am I thinking, my thoughts, all. Me myself don't understand. I'm lazy, i'm not clever, i'm not the student that the lecturer kept worshipping. I'm the student who rebel on most every thing that the lecturer asked me to do. Thinking that I am so good, but the fact is, very obvious i'm lousy, I got no shame whenever the lecturer got mad at me. Ego, I wanna show the lecturer that I am good, I can bear those, I can be better than whatever they said. But apparently, I am no good. I am having too many failures and I don't ask for more.

You know how people usually say Allah won't give the burden that we can't face? And there will always something/hikmah behind all the stresses that we face? And how human always want to do the best that they can? And they said people will never get enough, as in they will never satisfied with what they have? Well, relate all of that and sum up, that is my problem. That is what making me stress every day. I asked and waited what are the hikmah behind all these burdens? When will I ever feel successes? Do I even got a chance? Until when I will face failures? Or are these failures are actually a sign from Allah for me to quit dentistry? Or all of these are the karmas, that I had done bad to people and now it comes to me back?

Ya Allah, give me obvious answers.

Ya Allah, give me strength.

:'(

So junior, be someone else. Erase me from your mind. I am just a bad influence to you. I am not a good role model.

XOXO

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