Death is inevitable.

as so you guys know, i'm into hiking. i hiked a few hills and mountains. i like being in the jungle, serene and green, away from the city, saturated with unpolluted fresh air. though it's just like walking in the mall for hours, except it's in the jungle, and maybe a bit of ascending, climbing and sliding. i have very little experience, i never hiking and camping. i've done only daypack trips.

so i haven't hike for almost two months now, because i twisted my right knee from the last hike at bukit kutu. i landed wrongly. for your information, when you hike down, you put a lot of pressure to your knees. hence, you have to flex your knees all the time when you hike down. but what i had done, was i locked my right knee straight when i landed at a wrong time. i guess because i was pressured with the team that i went with. they're so fast so good, i got pumped.

to cut the stories of my knee short, i went to see the doctor, and i was asked to rest for three months (at least two months). if my knee still not okay after that period of time, i'll be referred to the orthopaedics specialist to take mri or something.

being an active creature myself, i can't resist to say no when there's any hiking plan ahead. especially when it's affordable and when i think my knee is ready to hike again. i've said no to a few plans within a month though. so, when i think my knee is okay, i signed up to a trip to gunung baling and gunung pulai this 19-20th december. so hyped about to go hike again.

today, when i was performing my zuhur prayer, i was obviously not 100% khusyuk when my mind was thinking about this upcoming trip. i heard the track is challenging. there got rock to climb like bukit tabur. i hiked bukit tabur (east) - the hardest track of tabur as they said, so i can somehow imagine how the track at gunung pulai and gunung baling will be. it's like climbing an 85 degree cliff without rope attached to you. talking about safety huh. it was totally a risk. you need to be smart enough to think about, first: which part of the rock that is stable and strong enough to hold, second: whether or not your hands are strong to carry your body up while you climb, third: the position of your body while you climb - all sorts of stretching to reach and hold on, fourth: to weigh your capabilities - whether you capable enough to do it or not. in conclusion, it's not easy for an amateur like me. but nevertheless, i did bukit tabur, so i guess i can do gunung pulai and baling.

but the question is: can i do it with my fragile knee?

although it has been almost two months i didn't hike, i actually had two incidents where i twisted my knee again: when i was about to get out from the car at a very limited and narrow space, and when i climb up the stairs (two steps at a time). so i'm kinda afraid to start hiking again. because my knee got twisted at the two very simple activities. i cannot imagine how my knee will behave when i'll be hiking again.

what my mind wandered during prayer was, i imagined myself rock climbing at the gunung, then my knee decided to twist again, then i'll be in pain and probably my reflex will let my hands off the grip, and i fall. and god knows how i'll fall. maybe i fall on the damped soil, or on the trees, or on the rocky rocks and my back will get hit with the pointy bark of the trees or my head get banged with the rocks and bleed the hell out, or simply fall off the cliff and go into the gaung and MIA. god knows.

so all these wild imaginations came up to me, then i got scared. what if i die after that? i'm not prepared with any of that. crazy not prepared. but, who is anyway? then i'm panicked, scared to die, thinking about what deeds and sins i've done. no way i can get into heaven with my current deeds. no.

then, i was thinking about how my family feels when i'm dead. i am supposed to be working after i finish studies and help them with anything, as we're not coming from a wealthy one. i was rethinking about going to the trip, ready to burn my rm50 deposit.

after a short time of freaking out, i came back to my senses. i remembered Allah mentioned in the quran, 7:34, when the time of someone's death arrive, not anybody or anything can delay or speed it by even one second. another verse i stumbled in quran, 4:78, wherever you maybe, death will overtake you, even if you're in the towers with strong construction. another one i read, right after i freaked out is from surah al-mu'minun. He explains on how humans are created on verse 12-14. then on the fifteenth verse, He said, "then indeed, after that you are to die".

which made me rationalize of what people keep on saying about how the world is just a stopover, an r&r. because after we died, we definitely be resurrected back on the Day of judgement, as Allah mentioned on the following verse. He'll judge us according to our deeds and sins, and place us whether in heaven or hell, either of it, is the infinity of our afterlife.

so i thought, even if i rethink on going to the trip, if i meant to die on that moment, where if i go, i should be dead by falling off the cliff with twisted knee, then if i decided not to go, i will die on some ways, maybe like i fall in the toilet ke, who knows. because my time has come. it doesn't matter about the age, because death is inevitable. or if i won't fall and die at gunung baling, maybe i will fall and die and different gunung. because maybe Allah recorded (in Luh Mahfuz) that i will die during hiking. only Allah knows how and when i die. wallahu'alam.

hm, so i'll just follow the flow, and leave to Allah on anything. because He knows everything in the heaven and the earth (22:70). at the same time, let us keep praying that we'll have a good ending. and let's keep doing good deeds and go back to the straight path. like in surah al-fatihah, in the verse 6 and 7. "guide us to the straight path. the path of those upon whom You have bestowed favour, not of those who have evoked Your anger or of those who are astray".

after writing all these verses, despite i've calmed down after reciting the quran, after freaking out like a crazy woman about death falling off the cliff, indeed quran is our guide in life. so many things are mentioned in it. so interesting especially if we discovered ourselves that we actually can relate a lot to it, like in this post.

have fun reading the quran, guys.