Another new year resolution is i want to less rolling my eyes to any annoying situations. I want to be kind kind kind.
Like genuinely not feeling annoyed with anything, hence no rolling eyes. The act of rolling eyes are so bitchy. But i do it all the time. Maybe i should decrease it fr 100% to 75%.
More to life resolutions actually. I have this dreams. A dream of what kind of woman i wanna be in future (or i am preparing). One of them is, i wanna practice a life principle: when people treat you like crap, give them flowers.
Here's the thing. X didn't care for me like i care for X. So X did 'something' which broke my heart so bad, i cried. And i can foresee that X will forgets about what happened (bcs it didn't matter to X), and X will continue life like nothing had happened. I was so mad and sad, i should be doing the same thing to X lah kan? I should ignore and avoid any communication with X. But what happened just now was, i reply to X's tweet on how not well X is. Because obviously i still care. And instinct telling me to be nice and not to respond/ignore like crap X did to me. Because it's just not the nicest thing to do to people.
So the dilemma is, am i doing the right thing by give X flowers, or am i damaging/suffering myself because i know X will still not realize what had X done to me and there'll be high tendency for X to repeat the same 'something' that broke my heart?
Remember about the same post, part 1? I Alhamdulillah survived the hike to gunung pulai with not so strong knee. The track is hard, and my knee did twist after 20 minutes of ascending. But i kept on hiking for 3 hours. I though I'd take 5 hours to descend, but i took 3 hours plus plus to descend. So very santai hiking really. But i was very mentally damaged during descending. I still remember what i thought that day. I wanted to quit hiking for good. But when i reached back at the homestay, i thought what was i thinking. I'm sure will still hike. But I'll let my knee rest for a few months lah.
Nevertheless, Alhamdulillah, because Allah still gives me a chance to live and repent and do good and spread love.
So is this the end of it? From what i see, you pull yourself away from me. Without any reason. Leave me feel like an arse. Waiting, while you forgetting.
This is not a relationship or anything. Its just, friendship. Soulmates, as you may label us. You actually MIA, and don't search for me. If you'd ask, why didn't i search for you? Answer is, i always did, but i always got declined. Then i stop.
It sucks, cos I've waited. And stay optimistic, find all the good values about you that seems to be decreasing. And when your enemy are nice to me, it made me thought, why have they became enemies to you, since they're nice to me, and I'd say you're not.
After all, you've always did this to me, and successfully come back into my life as if nothing had happened. I too, will be cheered to see you, and all of a sudden forgetting what have you done.
Wait, you never know what you've done. Because theoretically, you have done nothing. Literally. Its just me. I'm the one to blame, for what i feel. I overthink, about you. What a waste of my brain cells.
Its my fault, to not keep my heart focus to The One: Allah, hence waiting for you, having feelings towards you, hoping that you'd feel the same, too dependent on human.
My fault, entirely. Shame.
