Hi Kak Ili!

Salam! Last two days, I told Kak Ili (my naqibah) about my first year friends. Then spilled to her that I like to blog back then. So she said she wants to check my blog out. To 'assess' me before tarbiyah. Like so funny when I thought my posts.

I don't know if she'd read it though. But if you do Kak Ili, leave a comment :D

I'm having study week for finals. Wish me luck. Doakan agar aku dapat kekuatan untuk focus, ketenangan jiwa, hati dan otak untuk menerima ilmu yang bakal masuk. Ameeeen.

Toodles!

Death

One thing I just knew about death are I don't like changes and replacement made because of their absence.

They just won't be the same, of course. It totally needs time to adapt with their absence, then i'll accept replacement.

You know nothing, and you request bullshit.

Fyi, nak seribu daya tak nak seribu dalih.

home.

i feel like i've been ignored.
i sat there, laughed and talked to them.
but none of them responded.
as if i'm not there.
as if i'm invisible.

it's sick to think what have i done.
because i can't remember anything that was mean.
only the smallest thing from asking them
to throw out the rubbish,
to wash the frying pan.

it's sick to follow their pace.
like, they ignore me and i shall ignore them too.
actually i've tried.
but failed terribly.
failed as in i ended up being depressed.

depressed because after these 3 1/2 years,
i never ignore anyone (unless we're pissed each other off)
you and me were so fine.

Lawak bodoh macam intolerable when you're stress.

Futur.

Futur means lazy and escape from preaching islam. Today in a history after long long time we didn't do usrah, I became more futur and more futur.

And today, while hanging out with some new friends, the guys were smoking e-cigarrette. And I was curious and randomly asked them, for me to try. Surprisingly, they actually taught me how to smoke (but they 'forbid' me to inhale deeply), and I did. There were actually smoke coming out from my mouth. It was a pleasure because it smells so nice, I did it twice, until I came home and muhasabah back what I've done today. And I thought, what is wrong with me? What have I done? I am supposed to be a da'ie. To stop or advice people to stop smoking, but I have joined them instead? Which satan had successfully possessed me? They must be jumping up and down in joyfulness.

They said, futur is not good. But it'll becoming so so so bad, when you enjoy being futur. Like I enjoyed smoking that thing. If my dad knows about this, i'd be doomed.

But I am totally taubat doing that. I really shouldn't do that. I don't want to blame my naqibah for not doing usrah (for some time) because something came up. Because I believe its my fault, to not constantly putting efforts to maintain or increase my level of iman. Since the environment changed, its just so hard to returned back to normal.

And today, I am so sad and dissapointed for what i've done.

House.

Assalamualaikum and harlow. My new semester started a week ago. Fyi, I don't stay at hostel anymore. We rented a house instead.

The location is right in front of my uni's back gate. We purposely chose there, so it'll be easy for us to go to class. Nearer, since we don't have any own transport. I am, basically walking to class everyday. It takes me about 20 minutes to walk at my pace. Idk, they said i walk fast :3 My ither housemates take a bus everyday. They take 45 minutes to arrive. With people congested in the bus and jams. I purposely choose to walk, because i want to exercise and get fit and have my own sweet time, monologueing.

Our house is a shophouse. Like a house on top of the shoplots. Is that really what they called? It situated right in front of giant. Only 1 minute walking distance. Lol. It is very near to kfc, pizza hut, mcdonald, subway, mamaks, optic shop, nasi ayam penyet, secret recipe, 7 eleven, speedmart, stationary shops, laundry shop, salon, and the list goes on.

Housemates, are all my classmates. We're close. But i am not so close with them. We're good. Not that i'm anti social, its just that i'm already used to not having roomates for 2 years, and hanging out with my non dental friends. So when i'm with them, i'm kinda bring my 'old' tradition together.

We did housewarming party though. We cooked spaghetti bolognese (not prego), fried fries, and made lychee agar-agar. Its just a small event, because we only invited girls, and most of them couldn't make it because they went back to hometown.

We used maxis home portafi for internet. 28gb for 8 persons. Idk whether its sufficient or not. Our house is congested, and thus unifi and maxis home fiber cannot support (i have no idea).

Yeah thats all. I'll share soon, any updates.