I've been wondering why did I followed too many people on Twitter and Instagram. Not Facebook, of course. Despite the fact that I wanna stalk them, I found out actually I need to see and know what happen to the world outside there. Simply saying that, I can't have what they (people I followed) are having. Like, go on a vacation to the most interesting places on Earth, having fun times friends and family, eat good food which in other word is, eat expensive food, bake and cook their favourite dishes, having endlessly shopping, etc.
Did you realize its all materialistic?
Besides, I love to see how others doing with their lives. Kepoh? Nope, I call this curiousity. They have a rack of books, a bunch of cool activities with friends, see greenery, beautiful places, being fashionable effortlessly. What i'm trying to say is, I wish to have that life. Doing things that they love everyday. Gleefully everyday. Beautiful everyday. Am not saying that I don't like my life. And i'm not blaming dentistry to be so tough and busy and having class at 8-5 every single day. No i'm not blaming em. I hope.
I'm grateful with my life. Probably this is the best for me.
XOXO
I think I am suffered from a slight mental problem. Which arose from an abrupt low confidence that I 'gained' during the last two years. It was so drastic, it made me shocked. A hell lot of shockness. I am not like this during my Foundation on 2008/2009. I was so fine with myself. Now everything is a mess. My mind works so hard indirectly, it made my neck become a bit of stiffness. My face frowns too much. I lost my excitedness towards bright colours. I am more focused on normal, common, dull colours.
By the way, side track sekejap, I got a bunch of friends who MADE FUN of me during the past two years because I do colour-blocking. You can never imagine how I was struggling to become positive while at the same time, that drastic-low-confidence is attacking. Its hard, believe me. And now I SEE that they are actively trying to do colour-blocking as well. Fuck, how am I supposed to react with that?
Anyway the main point is, I don't ask for this to happen. To me. I know this is a challenge Allah sent me to be strong, and to find the inner side of me. Allah won't send challenges that His servants can't cope. Bear that.
Okay, let's think the bright side of all this. There's hikmah behind all this. Probably after this I'll become more confident than all people in the world and achieve The Most Confident Woman award. Yeah, who knows what will happened in future, right.
World is just getting weirder, and thus people need to keep on being in the right path and work hard to maintain in it.
XOXO
Sesungguhnya watak kau dalam hidup aku begitu bermakna sekali.
Begitu ianya memberikan impak besar dalam hidup aku.
Hati bahagia, hanya Allah boleh describekan untuk kau.
Supaya kau faham.
Itu pun kalau kau nak tahu.
Tapi....
Aku rasa aku macam watak ekstra dalam hidup kau.
Aku rasa kehadiran aku tak memberi apa makna pun dalam hidup kau.
Aku rasa kau tak sebahagia aku, sebagaimana aku bahagia dengan kau.
Aku sumpah, aku rasa macam itu.
Tapi itu apa yang aku rasa.
Apa yang kau rasa?
Fakta atau auta segala apa aku merapik di atas?
Tapi kenapa aku cenderung untuk memikir yang kau tak layan aku,
Yang kau tak balas mesej aku,
Tak balas segala yang aku buat di alam maya di profil kau,
Kerana kau ada masalah?
Kenapa?
Kenapa aku tak fikir kebenaran yang kau ada di sana apabila aku stress?
Yang kau ada di sana menceriakan hidup aku?
Yang kau ada di sana membuat hati aku berbunga?
Yang kau ada di sana memperbetulkan aku yang terserong marah akan takdir?
Kenapa?
mode: INSECURE AGAIN!
XOXO
Heart aching...
When I see you down.
When you are in trouble.
When you wailed for help in the inside.
Yet no one can help you.
Because none understands you.
So this is the moment when I hope I have the magic power like Edward Cullen. I hope I can read your mind.
Gaaaah damn cheesy! But its true. Hope you'll be fine.
XOXO
